wide awake

I am happy today. Not because Gossip Girl is on tonight, no way.. But because of the past month and the final dissipate of misery. Thats probably why. And because some good cd's are coming out this week. Not to mention yesterday was one Month after being around an incredible young, naive girl; Jenna Peck. All Appreciation and Thank You's go to Caroline Kane, for giving me that haircut.

Plus Jason and Stevie are coming home in almost a month! I'm very excited for it. Then maybe my summer will start out better than expected to already!?

Remember, I am happy. Are you?? Just remember Valentine's Day.

what is....

I have several question in need to be answered these days. But I am unsure if I want to really ask much of anything in hopes that I will learn all these suprising "lifely-full" mistakes that I am sure to encounter, on my own.

Like... what is love? Or possibly, what makes sour cream hardly sour at all? Overdue milk I think with a hint of lime. Do you ever taste lime in your sour cream? Or smell burning feathers? My father does... but he can also tell when a storm is coming when he gets an upset stomach..... haha, yeah its true. But now I am off subject.

Umm, the subject in still being "what is..." uhhh, what is the life goal of a person's term? In my experience it's to make one difference somehow in someway, whether its paying money for someone else's future wife (which I have a fair share, for most of you, I don't think I owe you a toaster on your wedding day... you owe me a damn toaster), or helping a friend get through one tough day after another. Which I personally try to do my very best in looking out for those whom are around me. I try in making myself honest in all that I do, and do it right.

I have a lot of pieces missing, I have a lot seams needing threading. But I still have so much more to accomplish on my personal list. One in figuring out what love is, even though I am only eighteen I feel like its really important.

I know love is my mom, giving everything into making me and my brothers happy, stable, and loving a man in being courages enough to stick by to fair vows to care of her children after she passed. I know my mom had enough love for the world, but in the end she gave it to her children, to me and my brothers in allowing us to live a good life. With my father, that man who cared enough to be responsible.

I know my brother jason is love, he gave a lot up to stand always next to his principles, even though mistakes changed to perfect days. A lot was given up; a dream - musical career, all to endure what changes that were made, to switch around and see the beauty in love. I know my brother knows what love is. Because watching him as I've grown up, I know he did what was right, and needed. I know I love him for that, and I am never embarrassed knowing he is my brother.

Mostly... haha, I am rambling to get my mind somehow untangled from the misleading ideas. Typing to an unknown internet blog, at the time being, seems right. Hello, I am Bryce Adam Frisby. I don't have a lot of faith in myself. I am not sure a heart is any good for, really, anything but pumping blood. Only because of back stabbing wenches haha..... oh.... yeah.

I love the office. Is that love???

Here is a question. What do you think the wind says when it hits your cheekbone? I've heard songs where they say "the wind is everyone we've ever loved." but I have also heard wind is soothing. I don't think I want all those whom I have loved always pushing me over, unless its those who are the good loved ones haha.

Music is love. I know that... thats obvious. Melodies always get me, I am definitely a sucker for acoustic rythms. Always have been since I heard saves the day and dashboard confessional.

But are silent nights, sitting on my rooftop trying to find myself through stars looking for my mother, is that love? I don't really know. Am i asking the right questions? Or all the wrong. Some day, some day, I hope I do find out what love is.

Thanks bloggey. You've been the best.
I'll keep seeking out the best in me.

perhaps my difference in this world, my term, is to make someone feel not too, alone. maybe love? maybe honesty? I'll find a way.

i'll be your satellite.

What would happen if the sun fell and the world went dark? Have you ever thought about who would be there for you? Would you have done all the things you wanted to do? Saved those who needed saving, teach those who needed teaching, and love those who needed love? One person asked me this today, and although I don't think we'll ever really find out when and where the world will fall; but just know, I'll be your satellite.

Its hard to know exactly where we are all going and how life can be fulfilled while spending our days listening to music, reading books, meeting new people and taking walks. But isn't that what life is all about? Taking a step at a time?? Even if it means to spend a moment with someone you care about? Holding hands on a cold dark night, and making hot chocolate just so one person can drink everyone elses.. All I can say to you tonight, is that I assure you, you wont disappoint anyone with your life and how you choose to spend it. I wont be.

From you, from everyone, I've found out things I never knew. And I haven't been this happy in a long time. I can write music again, I feel like I can sing, I can smile and I can finally sleep. Rest assured tonight knowing that you did something right, you made me feel like I'm home again, this is finally me.

A lot of the time we all get lost a long the way and sorta, lose ourselves. I've been so use to things for a year I forgot how good it feels to be alone. Sometimes a dark room was all we needed to get threw the day as allred was playing threw the speakers. And now, the worlds stops when your hair hits the wind, waffles have never tasted so good at midnight, and the way you hide yourself behind your smart words all have made my days absolute.

I've fallen in and out. Left to right. But its just the way I feel now that makes me know life is different then it use to be. And I needed this, I needed to hate "needing" someone. I had to view my addiction from other's eyes. With all these reassuring letters that I write to myself, I know that days do go on. Bright or dark, they will continue even if I'm alone.

With guilt and hope of redemption, I know I've made mistakes. I've hurt a lot of people in my life. And I haven't always been as honest, respectful and enduring for the end as I should've been. Some people still find it their place to tell me what I have done, but I'm sorry for all the days before. I regret breaking promises. I regret making plans to break plans. And I hope one day we can all find it in ourselves to forgive and forget..

Growing up and finding my own path without a mother and only a father wasn't easy. Having to replace her broken space with a guitar was all I have ever known. How to "treat" my life with the only kind of medicine that could cure me of these restless nights. But if it wasn't for my brother getting me the ethusiasm to play, and my father to buy me my first guitar, I probably wouldn't have been so.. prepared for the tragedies.

And in all these days, in my past mistakes, in my minutes of happiness, in those times of trouble; I know I've lived a good life. If tomorrow were to never come I just hope you could look back on your life knowing you did it, you made it worth while, like I do. You showed me that. You showed me everything will be okay if someone forgets my name. And the right way to fall asleep.. If there is anything you could possibly think about what you've done right, know you've made right, you've fixed me.

"I've been waitin' so long for these words to come out, it's pratically all I've been thinkin' about, so thank you for findin' the words I couldn't find on my own; now I'm not alone."

In the here and now, if the sun was to hide and the world was to go dark. If the stars lost their shine and the streelights went out. If every battery and light broke, just know, I'll be your satellite.

thanks for reading.